I curse you and laud you.
And what I assume you certainly don’t assume.
For every skill that belongs to a normal ape
certainly doesn’t reside in you.
(my adaptation of whitman’s “song of myself”)

I’m not sure how it happens: competant and intelligent human beings rendered useless and paranoid when touching a computer mouse. All common sense and logic flies out the window, only to be replaced with child-like reason and loads of fear.

“Save the document.” “The what?” “The document!, Go to the file menu and hit save…” [long pause] “But i’m just trying to save my document…?”

“I’ve deleted the internet!” [grumble] “Huh? You did what?” “I deleted the internet! It’s gone! Oh Lord, save me…” “Calm down, you can’t delete the internet” “NO! I DID! LOOK!” “Ok, the next time you scream absurdities at me like this i’m going to kick you.”

“Just go to this address: h-t-t-p…” “Wait a minute, wait a minute. What? Where is this?” “Open whatever browser you use…safari, IE. What do you use to access the internet?” “Nothing, i use my email to download to the internet.” “Oh God help me.”

And if, just IF one of them actually figures something out (usually involving multiple pages of notes that they’re not even sure what they mean) such as the complex process of putting a file on a shared network drive, they not only expect a congratulatory parade, but that task becomes “theirs.” If you dare ask them to do it a different way, or to not do it a certain way again, it’s as if you were calling their baby ugly. Hell has no wrath like questioning a technophobe’s process.

I understand they didn’t grow up with technology. I empathize with the fact that they’ve had to learn all new skillsets just to continue working. But at some point you have to want to learn, instead of kicking and screaming your way through a simple task like checking your email.

I pray for teachers and IT people alike. You are the modern day saints for taking all the anger, frustration, cockiness and paranoia that today’s workforce has to give. I’m so sorry.