So as I sit here, 7:36 in the morning, with my eggbeaters and green tea I am strangely reminded of two specific relationship models that have been explained to me over the past few years. Don’t ask me why fake eggs and a hot drink would cause this. I have no idea.

While both are too lengthy to explore in one post, I’ll choose only one for this morning’s pointless meandering.

Relationship Model No. 1, or as I like to call it, the “Impossible Friend Theory,” is fairly self explanatory. As it was explained to me, most likely over a beer or frustration-headache, it goes like this:

A heterosexual male and female *cannot* under any circumstances, be friends without at least one of the two said parties being sexually attracted to the other. At all times, despite contest from either, there is at least one person sexually attracted to the other.

Now, I’m not sure how I feel about this. Initially I chuckled and went to offer up a ton of current guy/girl friends…but found it more difficult that originally thought. Even in a moment of self-analysis, I’ve tried to disprove this model. I like to consider myself a guy who’s at least fairly easy-going and history has proven that it is possible for me to have female friends (usually more than male friends. should i be concerned?). However, even if I have not been attracted to these individuals, and feel and intense bond of friendship, I cannot in good conscience state that this model was proved false. There’s a solid chance that in all of these friendships, the other party could have (either under influence of illegal narcotics, blackmailed by the mafia, etc) strangely been attracted to me and I just did not notice.

There’s one friendship in particular, that sadly has fallen dormant due to my lack of communication and also distance. But with her I felt she was as close as my sister. I truly felt a familial, non-sexual bond with her. I’d like to think she felt the same way, but I’ll never know I suppose. Funny how the only instance that could finally, magnificently disprove this armchair theory will never be truly known because I cannot ask the other person.

So I wonder…since I have yet to disprove this, could it possibly be a grand, sweeping yet applicable generalization to all m/f relationships? (and as a caveat, we’re talking true friendship…not “getting along” or “doesn’t mind spending time with”). I’m not sure.

So this is model numero uno. Perhaps later i’ll explore the midly similar, yet more frightening incarnation of this theory. I’ll now continue to rock out to the misunderstood angst of Kurt Cobain. May he rock and rest in peace. And no, I cannot believe it’s been 10 years and 2 days since his death. I’m officially getting old (Andy too).