I start a lot of entries by saying, “You know, there are times in life…” Well get over it, self. Cuz there are times in life where things are just messed up. And I need to write about it today. And not in a pissy tone, just entirely and utterly overwhelmed by it all. So where to start?

My life feels like it’s in an uncontrolled, chaotic tailspin, tumbling toward some sort of inevitable crash. It has been on the horizon for two months now, and yet I still cannot predict the outcome or final touch-down date.

It feels like pathetic whining to list everything that is apparently shifting in my life right now. But seeing as my purpose for starting denyingphoenix was to archive my life for later reflection, here goes. I want to remember this time in my life as being hands-down the most intense introduction into adult responsibility yet.

My roomate is moving out. That’s up there. We’ve been roomates for five and a half years now. One of my best friends, someone with whom I can have the longest and most satisfying conversations. Someone to whom I’m forever in debt for sharing some very rough times in my life. He’s forced to move out because I up and got engaged. Well this is our last week living together, my heterosexual life partner and I. From here on out, our friendship changes. We shift from a status of never having to schedule face-time and the i-live-with-you-comfortable-pick-up-where-we-left-off conversation status to one where we have to make an effort to get together, to call, to catch up. We’ve seen our other friends move to this near-disasterous status of relationship and I’m hesistant at best to have ours move there. I feel like I’m losing the last remnant of my college life, and not to mention my last remaining local friend.

So, with the roomate moving out, I have no place to live. I’ll probably end up moving all the major stuff to Louisville, and just sleeping on the roomate’s new couch for a few weeks until I find a place by myself. I’m going to try and take Fridays off so that I can be in Louisville for 3 and Cinci for 4 days a week. I never thought it was possible to live out of a suitcase more than I already do…but I was wrong. Luckily I’m fine with my headphones, laptop and a pillow.

I’m also completely torn. With the fiancé living in Louisville, I’m dying to move there. I love the city, and it would be nice having a family nearby. I’m friendly with her friends, and that’s a greater number of “people that will talk to me” than I have here. There are a ton of things I have to work on with the house that we have, and the weekend alone is just not enough time. However, my place of employment is here. This poses a problem that makes my head pound all the more violently. And as our October wedding approaches, the problem has yet to be fixed. I’m determined not to spend the first years of my marriage living in seperate cities, either.

Wedding planning. Period. (websites, invitations, flowers, rehearsals, programs, retreats, readings, and on and on and on).

Add on terrible, disappearing freelance clients, scramble to find funds to pay for a wedding ring & honeymoon in Ireland, and drama at work every day (moving offices, new hires, etc). I’ve determined that my head, quite possibly this week, is scheduled to explode.

Maybe I’ll go to sleep and wake up in October.