Here’s a list of things that I’ve learned in the past two weeks of living in a new city:

• Why is it that each person that I meet pronounces “Louisville” differently than the next? How do you expect me to say it correctly if you all can’t get it straight?
• Car insurance rates vary greatly by state. Kentucky not only punches you in the face with higher rates, they then kick you in the nuts by taxing the insurance as well. Can you say $530 higher? God…
• Apparently it is completely normal to drive 55 mph inside a parking garage, taking turns on only two wheels. No one informed me of this prior to now. Everyone that parks in a garage is a Nascar driver by night.
• Contrary to whomever’s intial thought, putting a smiling sun-face on a license plate does not please the aesthetic sensibilities of everyone. Nor does it add much to soothing bubbling road rage, as being locked in rush hour traffic and seeing the same damn happy solar object staring back at you for hours on end is indeed a cruel joke.
• The name “The Kelvinator” is quite possibly the best f’ing brand moniker for a refrigerator I’ve ever seen. I am lucky to have one in my new office, yes I am.
• I think the term “no duh” should be brought back with a vengence. No reason why. Just because I miss it from gradeschool days.
• Handicapped stalls are fine in a bathroom…as long as there is another option. It’s not funny to those who aren’t handicapped and have to have their feet dangling, like a child in an adult world, to have no other stalls. Not cool.
• Apparently there is no other sport than basketball. Anywhere. Ever in the existence of sports. Who knew?
• Apparently no one informed everyone that lives in Louisville that they are indeed part of the state of Kentucky. Don’t play dumb, people. The rest of the country gets it.
• Finally, why do horses have to be on everything? I get it, you have the Derby once a year. But serious, move on with life…