“I wouldn’t be caught dead in that place. Not me. I’m not like that.”

Really?

After becoming aware of my own male-ness around the age of 12, I’ve since been bombarded with all the same stereotypes and assumptions that every other guy has. I’m not special in that regard. I’ve had the same cape of testosterone draped over my shoulders, and the same “stock qualities” assigned to me in sweeping generalities.

Here’s the deal: I can’t stand the stereotypical, canned assumptions that guys are macho, unrestrained in appetites and poor listeners (to name a few). While the full array could rival any child’s Christmas wish list in length, let’s stop there for brevity’s sake.

But worse than being hit over the head with the mantra of “oh, well he’s a guy…”is the men who actively reject it, for pompous grandstanding, for feathery displays to attract the females. Lost yet?

There are men out there, that even if left in a room by themselves, would *not* seek out a strip club, avoid an emotionally rich conversation, or talk about feelings/fashion/fears/etc. They don’t care much about sports, competition or aggression. They are still normal, healthy guys, but at the core, they are like this, and not swayed by any external audience. Likely, though, you’ve never met this guy. And if you have, you don’t know it because he won’t *tell* you any of this flat out.

Most men that lay claim to this persona, however, are fakes. Yes, fakes. They are the college suitemates that say they don’t believe in hooking up, and will go so far as to enroll in a feminism class to prove it (or rather to later say “hey, I took a course in feminist literature, ok?!”). They are the co-workers that righteously proclaim that they respect women too much to go to a strip club, or the friend of a friend that will vehemently deny being “like the rest of those guys.” They are the buddies who say they are “comfortable with their masculinity enough to buy facial moisturizer!” And they are the strangers that honestly think that liking to cook means they are “definitely metrosexual.”

In reality, though, these are the same men that will announce to you their intentions, their rationale and their motives. They will tell you their MOs so that you are aware of their “sensitivity” and lack of male chauvinism. In an attempt to be more attractive and desirable, they assume the persona of, well, a gay man. Or maybe a more “feminine” and sensitive man. I honestly think that over the past ten years, the equation has become: gay men = attractive to straight females = successful role models for straight guys who can’t hack it on their own. Metrosexuality was created by consumer culture to make it ok for straight dudes to talk about their yoga classes in the boardrooms and their love of shoes on a date…all the while, waving their “And I’m OK with it!” flag.

What this has done for the other half, the men who are truly into things deemed stereotypically “not manly,” is that it has watered down the genuineness and originality. Men who decades ago would have been called cultured or true romantics (in the truest sense of the word), men who would have been seen as refreshingly different are now commonplace. Finding a guy who “loves architecture” is as easy as finding the nearest Starbucks. And just like bands who “sell out,” it’s not cool to like something anymore once it’s hit TRL. I’m anticipating a backlash on male sensitivity. Just wait.

When the bottom falls out, though, you cannot change who you really are. Those same men that claim to be Senor Sensitivity and “not like the other guys” will show true colors some day. And in the mean time, those men who aren’t dressing up as cloned emo hipsters or GQ models — they probably have a lucky partner by now.

So to those guys out there trying to be someone that they’re not: don’t ruin it for the rest by faking it. Enough damage is already done.