Think I’m joking? Listen to dear Senator Ted Stevens’ (Alaska) beautiful elocution about what the internet is and why he voted against the Net Neutrality bill. Oh, you probably don’t want to listen to all of that, lest your head explode from the sheer nonsense of it? I understand completely, so how about a synopsis of the more brilliant quotes from Wired? No? Still don’t want to go somewhere else to read about this halfwit’s diatribe? Then here are the finer points:

1. The internet is a bunch of “tubes” and not “something you just dump stuff on…not a truck.”
2. The Department of Defense has “their own internet” because they “can’t afford (to) get delayed by other people” and need “theirs delivered immediately.”
3. And the best quote? “I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o’clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.”

So there it is, clear as day. We shouldn’t stop the giant, money-sucking telcos from draining us of more money while providing less services because Ted Stevens got a late internet sent to him.

If I just drive north, I’m bound to hit Canada at some point, right?

PS - This guy is a rockstar of public speaking. Seriously, he should teach Intro to Communications at some very prestigious and influential school some day.