Below you’ll find a fool-proof method, field tested, that will turn any of your dinner party plans into instant crap:
- Schedule your party on an evening where monsoon-level rains will grace your area. Not only will your guest be soaking wet, it’s harder to get them to leave when you’re done.
- Decide to grill when weather systems are favorable for the above conditions.
- Invite your mother-in-law.
- Have your 3 year old niece as a guest, but fail to have a single toy in the house for her to play with. Besides your new refrigerator.
- Ask your sister-in-law with her 1 month old infant who is strangely projectile vomiting to join you.
- Spend 10 hours cooking in 90-degree heat so that your already ailing air conditioner will perform at spectacularly sub-par levels when your guests arrive.
- Attempt to give your dog Benedryl to calm him down. Fail to have a backup plan when this does NOTHING to alter his hyper state.
- Pretend that your dog’s barking is helping the mood, not hurting.
- Combine a guest list including elderly people, newborns and selectively deaf adults. The symphony of wailing babies, raucous laughing and a TV set maxed out at full volume makes for wonderful ambiance.
Using any of the above ingredients at your own shin dig, and all will undoubtedly flop with great speed. Trust me, I know.
