Last night was our final session of Puppy Kindergarten, which is held at the vet right down the street from our house. Jonas has run the gamut of being a star pupil and class clown entirely, making his Ma and Pa right proud.
Jackass.
All in all, I’m fairly surprised that he’s learned as much as he has. The eternal cynic in me initially projected that the class would be a complete waste of hard-earned dollars that could better be spent on things like CDs or music. Or albums. Instead, Jonas has actually startled us with how intelligent he is. Over the past six weeks he has learned to respond (via hand signals or verbal commands) to “sit,” “down,” “stand,” “leave it,” “stay,” “come” and “pants off dance off.” Ok that last one we’re still working on, but still…
While we were waiting for class to start (of course we were there early, to show how overachieving his parents our dog is), we decided to weigh The King on the nifty scale that I’ve been dying to use since day one. 45 freaking pounds. Our dog is without a doubt, on ‘roids. There is no other way to explain it. In the past month he has gained 15 pounds, likely all muscle, moxy and some generic Cheerios. Since we got him he has gained 25 pounds. At this rate, according to my calculations which may or may not be accurate so your mileage may vary, he will clock in at roughly 297 pounds by Christmas. Give or take.
Our little guy did graduate after all. He may have been the loudmouth in the corner barking his head off but they still gave him the diploma as well as a sweet new toy for winning some games (which he promptly destroyed 20 minutes after getting home).
Despite his freakish growth rate, we still love our little horsie. That is until he gets big enough to actually strap a saddle on. Then the love gets replaced by responsibility, and he is put to work like a good farm animal. Until then we’ll continue to rent him out for birthday parties and bar mitzvahs billing him as a miniature pony. Afterall, Pa needs to find a way to bankroll his apparent addiction to performance-enhancing drugs.
