I hate the smell of sunscreen. But even more, I hate the smell of aloe. Forever linked in my mind is the pungent aroma of aloe vera green slime and the reddened humiliation from having insufficiently applied said sunscreen. I’m currently overwhelmed by my own stench, and barely able to move my tender, broiled arms. Bah.

1. Project Runway: Oh man. Being on vacation turned me into a voluntary TV zombie. And having never seen any of season 1 or 2, when they aired a marathon of all season 2 shows…well, 6 hours later I’m all caught up. And it’s fabulous! I hope either Michael or Jeffrey win.
2. Books on iPod - I always had disdain for people who listened to books on tape/CD. I thought they were simply lazy. But having driven 15 hours since last weekend (and 13 more tomorrow), I’m reformed. Listening to books on your iPod (look! no changing discs!) is a life saver.
3. Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale - Suprise, another beer makes it to FTILFF. But autumn brings new things ‘round here. And I finally was able to find a decent pumpkin ale. Refined and subtle, with a hint of ginger, cinnamon and maybe a smidge of clove…well done.
4. Sitting on the beach with nothing to do except read, listen to music and stare at the ocean - I don’t think I realized how much I needed a vacation until I was actually vacationing. And let me tell you, I’ve vacationed the hell out of this vacation.
5. When the Night Falls on the City - A stunning HDR photograph. Not overly sharp, but the tone is breathtaking. I’ve been playing with some HDR while here at the beach. Definitely another ‘tool’ for the toolbox.

On a positive note, I’ve conducted my own research to find that sunburn can effectively be treated by consuming noticeable quantities of soft serve ice cream and boardwalk steak fries. Look for my findings to be published soon in the American Journal of Medicine. Err, something like that.

There’s a lot about me that can be understood by simply sitting on this wall. For the better part of 18 years, I’ve spent countless vacation mornings, daylight hours and mostly evenings perched there. Sometimes with music, other times simply laying in parallel and staring at the night sky. All the time simply watching people pass by. And having not been here for over three years, I forgot just how much a part of my life The Wall has been.

Just…watching.

And you know they ask me to get on the mic. And they ask me, can I kick it? Word. Yes you can. Well I’m gone…

Hopefully if you’re reading this then one of two things happened: 1) Burt (my prison ‘friend’) convinced me to pen this from prison because I was caught throwing Jonas out the back window while driving on I-75, or 2) The staff at FTILFF actually showed up to work the one day a week that they’re asked to, and succeeded in getting an edition out without their esteemed editor.

Don’t hold your breath for #2.

Anyway, today marks the first day of my much-needed vacation. First up? Wedding bells in the 419 for my good friend Tyler (Hi Tyler!). Hope the kid taking my measurements over the phone at the tux shop wasn’t on dope that day.

1. My dog, snoring - Pretty much the only thing Jonas does that I can laugh at. And he’s only taken 4 naps in 4 months (a paltry average). But yet hearing him saw serious logs from across the house remains one of the most humorous things in my life right now. I wish you could hear it.
2. Keith Olberman and his address to Bush (video) - I hate politics. But I find this monologue by ex-Sports Center cohost passionate and honest. Two things severely lacking in the field of politics. And yes, I actually knew something mildly pertinent to sports.
3. This guy’s passion for pizza - Holy Christmas this guy was serious about delving into creating the perfect pizza. His understanding of yeast alone is commendable. Perhaps slightly neurotic in his quest, but a surprisingly interesting read (with pics!).
4. Surreal Honda commercial - Uh…what? How the hell did they do that? That’s the second or third Honda commercial over the years that has been technically astounding. Why don’t I see these on TV, though?
5. The feeling of complete newness just from rearranging furniture - It still amazes me how fresh you can make a room feel from simply arranging the contents in a different manner. We did this to our living room last weekend, after months of me feeling like it just “didn’t feel right.” It’s a new space!

Next week’s edition will be done seaside with homebrew in hand. I gave the staff the week off. Who am I kidding…half of them never show up anyway.

I am a mixtape junkie. Since my adolescent years I’ve been hopelessly addicted to mixtapes. And sadly, I’ve only ever had two given to me. But I’ve made dozens.

Ask anyone who is in love with the art of the mixtape and they’ll tell you about the rules. And while I don’t pretend to know what other’s rules are, I know I certainly have my own stringent set. There is a delicate balance and subtle harmony involved with taking the creative work of others and using it to speak your own words.

So in honor of this season’s mixtape release, I’ve decided to publish a handful of my own mixtape rules.

1. Don’t lead with a weak song. You never want to open a mix with a song with no defined beginning (such as a song that bleeds from the one prior to it on an album) or even an anemic start. You get one shot to set the tone of the disc, make it good.
2. Don’t use two songs by the same artist, let alone two back-to-back. Unless you’re doing a genre-specific or artist-specific mix, this is taboo. You’re showing your fanboyishness and lack of resources if you cannot find another song to say what you want.
3. Build steam. The sign of a truly great mixtape is the emotional ride that it is built on. How songs are placed on the disc might just be the most important aspect of a mixtape’s success, and wrong order can easily ruin a good one. Thinking of a bell curve or another metaphor for a build-up is critical. Tempo, pace and impact of each song need to subtly bleed into one another, but not stagnate or overexcite the mood.
4. Don’t overstate your point. Brevity is your friend. Just like a conversation or a poem, if you can make your point in less time, do it. You want the mix to be enjoyable, not laborious.
5. Subtlety is your friend. I’m not a fan of blatant mixes, that choose thematic songs based simply on title or lyrics. If the songs are not chosen for what feeling they evoke rather than saying “HEY THIS IS WHAT I’M ABOUT!” then you end up with 60 minutes of songs that don’t fit like a puzzle.

and finally,

6. Don’t be a snob. Sometimes your so-indie and uber-underground songs can’t say what you want. Don’t be afraid of backlash from the Scene Kids. Putting a more mainstream song on the tape in place of an inferior but more obscure one is better. No one dies in the making of mixtapes (well, maybe in hip hop), so don’t be afraid to put that Jon Secada song on there if it really does the mix justice.

These are the rules I mix by. They might not be yours, and they’re not set in stone, but they’ve done right by me. Find a theme, a voice, something you want to express. Then strap on your most comfortable pair of headphones, find a well-worn chair, and get to taking notes. Someone out there might just appreciate your mix.

Lately, I’ve been watching an unhealthy amount of HGTV, thus signaling the downward slide into a life of khaki shorts and lawn-based discussions with other men wearing polo shirts. God save me now.

But for all the mindless drivel on there, amidst the bold sinks of Kohler and terror-inducing moldy drywall alerts, I’ve been hopelessly addicted to Design Star. It’s this year’s Laguna Beach! Ok, not really.

As much as I loathe reality shows, I found this one to be engaging, but not for the interpersonal drama that most cultivate and harvest like brain crack. Instead, the show really just focused on the drive of each designer during the contest. Sure they peppered it with a little drama, but for Pete’s sake, you can’t have designers without drama, can you? That’s just too much to ask.

But in all it’s interestingness, I can’t help but be reminded about my main issue with design. Technically, I just have a problem digesting the concept of design in the theoretical. Let’s take an example “mission” from the show.

Each designer is given an isolated, 8x8ish room consisting of the same contents: white walls, couch, bookcase, and table. They’ve given a theme to interpret and allowed to go at it.* And while David’s room blew the living snot out of the rest, despite having to gain inspiration from a pet supply store, you can’t help but realize how impractical this all is.

Look through a Pottery Barn magazine, a West Elm catalog or Southern Living Edition. Notice anything? Well besides some beautifully adorned rooms with a breezy, effortless look. That’s the point. Theoretically perfect design, done in vacuum with unlimited tools at your disposal, is flawless. But how is that problem solving?

Only in the land of photo shoots and reality shows does this confined, sterilized brand of interior design succeed. Unless you simply bought everything in one spread of that Pottery Barn magazine, trinkets and all, or unless you threw all of your existing decor out and dropped $10k (a budget from the show for a project) on brand-new everything… In reality, everyone has accumulated pieces of previous design. Very few people have houses with a million windows, rich hardwood floors and vaulted ceilings.

All in all, it’s simply the battle between theoretical and practical design. The runways of the world are filled with fashions that grace the bodies of but a handful of anorexic waifs, not the JCrew or Gap’s of the world (which is closer to what the vast majority of people are buying). Theoretically perfect design (fashion, graphic, interior, etc) does nothing, in my opinion, to solve the real problems in life. So how can it be judged successful if it simply negates this? Just as medicines that fail to perform outside of the labs and calculations are deemed inappropriate for consumption, so should design of the same vain. Why feed us images of unattainable style? Oh, to make money.

I realize a business needs to make money, and thus make their products look spectacular. But as a designer, I just see no point in creating something that’s not useful to 90% of your audience (*cough* gratuitous Flash web sites).

Anyway, the show was still interesting, and I’ll likely have El Tivo grab next season’s episodes. And I’m sure I’ll still be whining about all this still.

*all of this is approximated. I wasn’t paying close enough attention to the details of the room.

“Hi. I’m a PC.”

“…and I’m Five Things I Love for Friday.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, sorry, PC. The Mac asked me to stand in for this one.”

“Ah, too afraid he would catch a virus from me?”

“Well, no, not really. He just realized that these commercials actually made you look more lovable and cute rather than make him look young and hip. Totally backfired.”

1. In the Waiting Room (New Yorker column) by David Sedaris - Never hopped on the Sedaris bandwagon oceanliner, but this short article is quite amusing. I still won’t drink the Kool Aid, though.
2. Rawhide bones - No, I haven’t gone all primal. But for some reason Jonas has all of a sudden taken to a frenzied, fanatical love for his rawhides. He devours an extra-large one in under 2 hours now. Whatever, it allows me a few moments of peace to suffer through more DVR’d episodes of House Hunters that The Wife is obsessed with.
3. Mark Jenkins Street Installations - Surreal. Creepy. Yet somehow I managed to chuckle at more than one of these. Typically not a fan of this style, it’s an interesting (and did I mention creepy?) concept nonetheless.
4. A Tiny Glimpse - If you can ignore the early ’90s, Mod file-esque music (anyone remember mods?) this is rather interesting. A look at what the Hubble telescope found in 2003, put into perspective. I assume it’s accurate. And if so, hard to comprehend.
5. The new Apple iPod Nano commercials - Very glowsticky. But a beautiful extension of that existing campaign. And an extra two bonus points for using a Cut Chemist song!

“So, FTILFF, does this mean I don’t have a job anymore? No more commercials?”

“Sorry PC. But at least you’ve got Minesweeper, right?”

Dear assorted members of that house in my neighborhood that is way too sketchy it might just be another meth lab,

Though you don’t know me, I am your friendly neighbor from around the way. You might recall seeing me walk my little black dog now and again. Not to pester, but I simply wanted to let you know how happy I am for you!

See, for the past three months, I’ve cursed you. Sometimes under my breath, but most times quite audibly. Your heinous living habits too noticeable to ignore have caused me much mental anguish. Let’s face it, now that your rusted-out 1982 Ford F350—the one with the “If You’ve Got The Nuts, Follow My Ruts!” sticker and naked ladies on the mud flaps—has finally been towed away, your house looks marginally better! Champagne toasts all around, for sure.

I don’t know if anyone else in the neighborhood bitches about you. I do know that in my house you are a frequent topic of conversation, though. Topping the list of questions that my wife and I have are, “why are there between seven and nine trucks parked in your grass every day?” and perhaps “I never see the same two teenagers twice yet only one adult woman who chain smokes. Did the mothership take the male host away?” We’re dying to know, really. And if someone in your compound really does own a lawn service, why do you continue to scalp your own landscaping down to 1/4”, allowing only weeds and clover to stay alive in the late summer sun? You must be way smarter than me, that’s for sure.

So while my family is beside ourselves with joy that your beloved, bull-horned truck has been removed, we confess to still being a bit wary. Frankly, we’re concerned that while you are trying to sell your house, no one would touch it besides the Branch Davidians. So we’ve compiled a short list of things that might help speed things up:

1. Remove the one each of the “doubles of everything” shtick, including but not limited to grills, lawnmowers, weed whackers, truck parts and trucks. No we’re not snooping inside, this is all on your back lawn.
2. Perhaps not parking cars 6” away from your back deck and conversely 15 feet from the driveway is uninviting to potential buyers. I would try to limit yourselves to the big cement driveway.
3. That fake plastic Frosty the Snowman decoration on your front porch shows that you’re either a bit overeager for the holiday season or about 10 months too late. Or perhaps your house is choking on it’s own crap, all consequently decorations must stay up year round? This has to go, whatever the case.
4. Lastly, we would suggest that when showing the property to prospective buyers, the chew-loving, cammo-trucker hat wearing bubba who never wears a shirt with sleeves might want to go grab a Big Gulp up at the local convenience store. He and his 18 friends/baby mammas that stay over each night are not helping your chances of selling any time soon. I think he even barked at me once.

So dear assorted members of that house in my neighborhood that is way too sketchy it might just be another meth lab, are we good now? I feel better now that I’ve gotten my concerns off my chest. Because believe you me, the faster you get the hell out of the neighborhood, the sooner I can go back to forgetting that I live in Kentucky. And I need all the help I can get.

Sincerely,
Brian Faust

OK, so it’s not exactly something new. In fact, it’s embarrassing how old the news of this is. But nonetheless, I suppose it’s due that I officially announce the overhauled, revamped and totally awesome portfolio/freelance site.

I killed d7graphics more than 2 years ago. It was too aligned with my undergraduate work and did not embody the spirit of what I was trying to do in my professional life. Last year I parked Pixelshop.org and slowly began to put my work back online.

So as humiliating as it is to have my stuff back up, it will hopefully be a bit easier to manage this time, so as to not grow as woefully out of date as the last incarnation.

Simply put: Jello scares me. It’s creepy. Do I need to say more?

1. Hydraulic ejectors - A type of white water rapid. The one in question this week is that which launched our tour guide wickedly high into the air. Thus allowing him to perform a backflip off our boat. Don’t believe me? Watch the video.
2. Crown molding - Until I had a house that warrented it (read: not an apartment), I’ve been dying to put up molding, casing, etc. around every door, ceiling and window. Every time I look at a room with well constructed and appropriately-styled accents, a little piece of me melts. Yea, I said it. And don’t get me started on wainscotting.
3. Baby gates with style - FOR THE DOG, yo. No half-pints anytime soon around our house. These gates whip the crap out of the half-broken, ugly and yellowed ones we’ve scavenged. Ah well.
4. Sweetie - Scott Wynn of Innersync Studio fame is trying to take his musings up a notch. Lo-fi is in, ya’ll. And if the logo is whack, it’s because I did it in less than 10 minutes. Had I known it was a more legit venture…
5. The THX Sound (and how it was made) - Appropriately geeky interview with the man who created the infamous sound. Yet another thing that everyone takes for granted, that involves a staggering amount of work. Wow.

Today’s lesson? Don’t eat Jello. I have no idea how this lesson was illustrated in this week’s FTILFF, but trust me, it’s there. Somewhere.

It’s rare that I see movies. It’s even more rare that I see them in the theater. And it’s damn near unheard of that The Wife and I would agree on a movie to see, in the theater no less.

But yesterday, nursing a raging headache and enjoying a holiday from work we went to see Little Miss Sunshine. What a treat. An odd one, but still a treat.

Each cast member did a phenomenal job, especially Steve Carell and Paul Dano. Steve Carell’s sad-but-loveable everyman shtick that was one half of his character in The 40 Year Old Virgin fit perfectly in this film, and Paul Dano’s mute, sulking adolescent character strangely exudes more emotion and feeling than most other theatrical performances out there (and with but a few spoken lines, no less).

It’s off-beat. The plot is simple, requiring no effort to follow. But the meat and potatoes of the entire film lies in the beautifully dysfunctional interactions of the family. And as one of Steve Carell’s lines towards the climax of the film states, perhaps the best parts of life are the ones in which we suffer the most. Those are the ones that make us who we are.

Very enjoyable. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that honestly in a long time, not forced by a gag or lame joke. I suppose the awkwardness of every day life can provide some of the most truly funny moments.

“Dude, you’re not seriously going to put that on your head.”
“Why not?”
“Because you look like an idiot. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?!”
“I don’t get it. What’s so bad about it?”
“What’s bad about it is that you’re not a communist dictator. Let Castro wear the Castro hat, and take that damn thing off your head.”
“Whatever dude, I’m leaving it. I think I look cool.”

1. April Zero - Ahh, the playskool feel of Web 2.0. All plastic and shiny. But I do like the design. +2 points for the progress meter up top.
2. Andre 3000 - His interview in Rolling Stone this month paints him to be a pretty cool, authentic guy. A Veggie, living in LA, and so full of music it hurts. How can anyone not like him?
3. The Tshirts of Portland Studios - All are fun, but the Computer Crash shirt takes the cake. Nicely illustrated, shows perfect emotion.
4. Acoustic Outkast cover (Mat Weddle) - Video of Obadiah Parker’s main man in a surprisingly good rendition of the catchy-as-hell song.
5. My Chemical Romance’s VMA performance - I didn’t watch more that 10 minutes of the stupid-ass show (gets lamer by the year), but I caught MCR’s performance this morning. Definitely a different direction, very Queen-ish. But most of all, the scenery of the show was incredible. Perfectly chosen, and not cliched, as every other performance usually is.

“So you’re saying in order to wear a Ramones t-shirt I have to be a Ramone?”
“Wait, whu—?”
“By your model I have to be on the Chicago Bulls team to wear their hat?”
“Bottom line is I’ll punch you in the face if you wear that hat again. Anyone over the age of 14 should not shop at Hot Topic. Period.”