There are far too many people in my life who care too much about what they think is the state of my conscience. I’ve heard more than a handful of comments in the past two months, and the entire situation has me thinking. “There’s that good ol’ Catholic guilt!” Said in jest, said in fun and assuredly with no malice. Perhaps, but nonetheless, not a phrase that should be used in such wanton and careless abandon. Because, frankly, it just isn’t true.
I do not operate off of guilt. This is for certain. And anyone who truly knows me should realize this. However, more than a few friends, coworkers, and mild acquaintances have amused themselves with comments about my faith being responsible for my actions. Or perhaps more simply, to them the antiquated and much maligned “scare tactics” of the pre-Vatican II church, guilt and fear, are the motivating forces in my life.
If I choose not to overindulge in something, if I decide to question a team decision on the job, if I opt to live with my in-laws before marriage: according to these folks, all of these decisions are based on a deeply rooted, implanted sense of wrongdoing. Never once is the concept of personal responsibility seen as a rationale.
If I feel that questioning copyright infringement is right and dutiful on a job, why is it instead seen as playing the role of the office Debbie Downer? If I want to wait an extra few weeks to live with my best friend of seven years simply because I think it’s right for us? Again, branded with a G.
The misuse of the concept of guilt is something that has burned me for years. Personal responsibility, right action and moral/ethical/spiritual duty can (and should) be a perfectly valid reason for action. Carelessly assigning guilt to an action not only serves to devalue what has been done, but also strips the action of any true definition. Saying that I simply felt Catholic Guilt about living with my fiance before marriage is a slap in the face because it projects the theory that I gave no thought to it besides letting the moral brainwashing of my religion take hold. What is lost when my friends or coworkers joke about me acting out of guilt is the actual struggle and difficulty that occurs both during and after the decision making process. So instead of being a goodie-goodie zombie (what I’m stereotyped as being), I’m actually laboring over what to do. I wish it actually were as easy at it appears, you know, with ignorance being bliss and all…
I don’t claim to be good. Far from it, in fact (I can hear the collective laughter of my parents, friends and wife right now). But part of the reason I started writing here, years ago, was to record areas of my life in order to examine them and learn from them, so as to do right the second time around. I think it’s too easy to fit people into molds and blurt out cliches and canned jokes in representation of these stereotypes. So the next time we make a joke about a Christian feeling guilty, don’t just assume it’s guilt. Guilt would be the easy way out.
