For someone who trusts deeply in the power of self-change, finally coming to terms with those parts of your being that are uniquely you and unable to be altered…that is a very difficult thing to swallow.

In our household, The Wife™ and I could not be any more opposed on the topic of change. Her approach to life is decidedly static, that people are born a certain way and every little thing they do is merely a reflection of “who they are.” Are you a bad communicator? That’s just how you are, people need to learn to accept it. Are you a poor listener? That’s a shame, but hey, that’s who you are, right? Myself, on the other hand, I presume that there is very little of “who we are” that cannot or should not be changed. I take a reductionist approach yet also really believe that perfecting the rougher edges of who we are is one of the highest pursuits we can strive for. Bad communicator? By working on that you can be much better, and learn a ton about yourself! Suck at listening? Try hard and I promise it’ll get better! The entire thing is hilarious to me, because in the relationship I’m totally the Eeyore, the eternal pessimist and she plays the grand optimist.

Sure, with her approach, life has little hope for getting better if you don’t like parts of your personality. But the problem with my viewpoint is that there are certain, fundamental portions of who you are that might not be able to be overcome with hard work or continual self-discovery. Though few and far between, tripping over these personality roadblocks while rushing headlong towards Changing leaves knees bloody and egos bruised. This past weekend was one of those unfortunate pratfalls.

There are things that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to change. I think it’s how I’m wired, thanks to my parents. It frustrates me to know that I don’t have the knowledge to deprogram myself, or to recognize if that is even possible. I suppose the best thing to do is to come to accept these flaws, conceding and throwing up the “this really is who I am” flag. I can try to minimize the effects, diminish the impact on others and learn to come to grips with it myself.

Humble acceptance with a hopeful eye towards a personal miracle. I’ve got nothing else to try.