“So can you feel the baby yet?”

(shrugs) “I dunno.”

“Let me guess: you’re not sure if it’s pregnancy gas or the kid.”

“…Maybe.”

“Well what does it feel like?”

“Uh, kind of a fluttering thing…”

“And what? Your gas normally feels ‘fluttering’?! What the hell are you eating? Insects? Live birds? I’d wager it’s likely the kid.”

(pause)

“Shut up.”

“Goodnight, dear.”