I’ve never thought I was overly intelligent. Sure, I realize that I’m not handicapped or any other dramatic thing like that, but nothing particularly special. Now, after having gone through the experience of seeing my kid in an ultrasound, I realize I might just be closer to the level of a protozoic dustball because of one fact alone. I didn’t expect the friggin’ thing to move around.

Who knows why I was so ignorant about this fact. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up around much family that I never really knew any pregnant people. But my concept of an ultrasound was entirely static, simply as those photos that expectant parents flap around that (to me) look more like ink-blot tests than anything else. No movement. But man was I wrong about that.

Last Thursday The Wife™ and I hung out with cranky women in uncomfortable chairs watching The View visited the doctor for our first (and only) ultrasound. I surely looked like an idiot when the nurse flipped on the monitor, because my mouth went entirely agape. There, in black and white, was our baby. Might it be too dramatic to suggest that the skies then ripped opened up to reveal a choir of heavenly angels? Probably. But had that happened, I wouldn’t have even noticed because I was too busy staring at the ultrasound monitor like a kid seeing the ocean for the first time.

To see the little heart beating and to watch it wiggle and flail on the screen was one of the most profound, touching moments of my life. I was so stunned in seeing the movement that when the nurse asked if I had any questions, I could barely parse a coherent, non-protozoan response. I was floored, because for the first time in this entire process, I realized the gravity of this whole pregnancy thing. Sure, the little scare earlier in the week had ignited my protective side, but nothing could have prepared me for seeing the beating heart of our child, almost as if in person. And if it had been one of those shmancy 4D ultrasounds, well my head would have probably gone and exploded. Good thing it was just one of those older quasi-super doppler 3000 machines.

Since Thursday, we’ve analyzed the photos a million times, trying to figure out if parts are teeth or toes, ears or eyes. The Wife™ is even trying to determine the sex of the kid from the black and white smudges on the paper. Me? I’m finally more excited than scared. And I’m perfectly content knowing that: 1) there are no twins in there, 2) it has four limbs and a normal spine and, 3) it’s head is reasonably sized and might not take after dad on this one. Fingers crossed that all the weight gained from here on out is not just in the cranial region.