“Well, I think it’s a girl,” said her doctor at yesterday’s check-up. Sure, the comment was said lightly, in passing. But this is humorous to me for several reasons: 1) this is contrary to what we’ve been thinking all along, 2) this is contrary to what anyone else we’ve met is thinking and, 3) ISN’T SHE THE DOCTOR?! Seriously, lady, you’ve seen the ultrasound and are the only qualified person who knows how to read it. And charts? Hello, don’t you write stuff down? I pay you money to write stuff down, dangnabbit.
So just in case, last night I told The Baby™ that if it wasn’t sure if it were a boy or girl, that it could just hang out in there awhile until it decided. Because no one likes someone who can’t make up there mind. Or hermaphrodites. (I kid)
While The Wife™ humors me on not finding out the gender, I know it has to bug her. She’s a wonderful lady to indulge me on this, and as a result I took it upon myself to settle it once and for all, from a strictly scientific approach. No reader, I didn’t call the OB and ask. I consulted a myriad of old wives tales to see what gender of big-headed baby we’re having. Let’s take a look! Based on…
- Carrying High/Low - Knowing the way that The Wife™ is carrying, we’re having a boy!
- Heartbeats - The Baby™ is higher than 140 (152ish), so we’re having a girl!
- Is Her Face Round and Full? - Hell if I know. We’re having some sort of baby!
- Chinese Lunar Calendar - Given the lunar cycle during conception and her age, we’re having a boy!
- What Your Urine Says - Yea right, I’m not doing this test. Game over.
So as you can see, these highly scientific tests show that we are indeed having a baby that will either be a boy or a girl. To us, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s healthy. And see how much fun this was? If we had been told the ending to the story up front, we would have never known the joys of surfing through all the crazy-pregnant-posts of ladies just to find these precious nuggets of wisdom.
For the record, though, I will be very stunned if the kid comes out with assembled girl parts. It’s just not what I’ve been feeling all along. And while we could dive even further down the rabbit hole of science and conduct yet more experiments involving keys, strings, pillow direction and magic fairy dust, I think we’ll just wait it out.
Come B-day I will be reporting live, on the scene, with late-breaking, up-to-the-minute news and my Super Doppler 3000 (with traffic cam). From the hospital cafeteria. Because I’m terrified that I’ll pass out if I stick around.
On second thought, let’s hope it’s a girl. Or else a more manly boy. Either way just not as squeamish as it’s dad.
